Spirited

So I read this book by fellow Menverite Rebecca Rosen and loved it. I haven't really been into speaking to spirits or spirit guides, but this book made me take notice. Sometimes in life we feel lonely or things seem hopeless, we want answers from somewhere outside of us and not necessarily the people around us.;) This book reminded me to connect with something greater than myself to question my notions of other beings in an astral plane and request they help me. It even offers meditations and other useful "connection" tools. Who knows...I might even experience a "Ghost" scene for myself.

Today I'm grateful for books, birthdays, and brunch.

Mancations in Man Francisco

For those who doubt my "manifying" of cities and words...even writers for CNN do it. Fun article from my mom about SF being "healthy and harmless"...he obviously didn't visit the Tenderloin.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TRAVEL/02/16/newnam.san.francisco/index.html?hpt=C1

Today I'm grateful for reservations, leftovers, and unpacking.

Hopeful Romantic

In our society we hear love and think of romantic love, or eros. Even the so many books and movies and songs (oh the songs, are there any not about romantic love?) over the years support a dramatic idea of “love.”  Day dedicated to love…romantic love. Illusion of what it is, kinda feels like real love in disguise. Disillusioned with romantic love since 7th grade when I fell for someone and then turned out they had a new girlfriend the next week (isn’t that the way of middle school). I wrote an amazing array of teen angst love poems believing love was a phony.

And in someways it kind of is. We fall for people we may not normally even been able to stand sometimes but because they kiss us a certain way or the sex is so great it suddenly comes "love." We put up with things from lovers we wouldn’t put up with from the closest of our friends. For why? It’s that rush of excitement, it's fun. I suppose I've always enjoyed the other "types" of love more....they feel more safe. And in the end, they probably are.


I'm ready to move from "in love" to loving and skip the temporary emotional high (made up of serotonin, dopamine, and other feel good neurochemicals) which isn’t actually true love. Fueled by pheromones and hor“moans” (wordplay that is obvious and also not so obvious) we seek out a mate and superimposing them as a lover as well. I sometimes wish I could skip the first stages of a romantic relationship to experience what “love” would really be like with someone. After our hormones stop doing the work. Will they still be there where love because a consistent choice? I don’t believe true love can begin until “in-love” has run its full course.

The Greeks believe there are five different types of love. I believe in one and only one. Though all the others as pathways/gateways to love.When we experience a love that grows out of choice, that’s emotional without being obsessional we experience a co-creation with the entire universe. It has nothing to do with the physical world and yet this is where we find the way to express it. It’s what we’re born with and the essential fact of life. I think Marianne Williamson says it best in her book Return to Love, “There are no different categories of love….the love that is real lies at the heart of all relationships…doesn’t change with form or circumstance.”
At 28 (almost 29 she shockingly adds) I’m making my peace with love (the sort I now call romantic love). The kind that can be found behind all the other kinds in the sea of things we call love. As there are many paths to God, so also the same for love (as they seem to be the same thing anyway).;)

I’m a romantic, not because I believe in soulmates or “the one”, instead because I believe in love and romantic love as a gateway into it.

Today I'm grateful for Valentine's Day, Craigslist, and bubble baths.

I forgot...

I had a blog. This is the longest I have gone without writing and I feel kinda guilty. Even though I don't have a lot of followers (thanks Mom and sometimes Hayley), it feels strange not to be expressing myself via Interweb. I moved out of my tiny studio in Hayes Valley on the edge of Civic Center into a beautiful, sunny place in the Panhandle near Golden Gate Park. I have been nesting like mad and hardly wanting to leave my new place. So I'm here simply to say with two jobs, full-time grad student status, and having a life my blog is suffering...and I know this.

Today I'm grateful for coffee shops, Goodwill, and cell phones.

Give and Take

I did something I've never done before this week, I went to the ATM to give money to a stranger. Her leg was bleeding and wrapped in bandages and she said I was the first person who stopped to see if she needed help. I choked back tears and heard her story of trying to get out of the state away from her abusive husband. She asked if I would stand on the sidewalk with her and advocate for domestic violence victims. When I reached into my purse to get my cell phone, she told me she didn’t want my money and instead to just listen or if she could work for me. In California women can only stay in shelters for a short period of time and she needed to leave.

She didn't ask me for money and so I felt deeply compelled to give. We began walking and I listened to her talk about her 13-year old son and how she had been married for almost two years before the abuse began a long time ago. It had only recently gotten worse. I asked how much the ticket was she wanted to buy. We continued walking and I stopped abruptly at an ATM and gave her the amount it would cost for she and her son to get to Nevada.

I handed her the money and she started crying, then I cried and she hugged me and I walked away with my Ray Bans covering my tears. Before heading home to get her son she asked for my email so that she could contact me when she arrived. I wrote it down and said a silent prayer she would remember. Her pain felt so real that I felt bruised. If she was lying I realized it didn't even matter. We answer our truth when it calls and I can't be responsible for hers, only what feels right to me.

Giving and taking (also more commonly described by receiving) is common sense in a community. And so is asking for help. I gave and took from that experience and from her. I felt good knowing I could make a difference and again was left with the guilt of privilege and wondering how I have what I have. This weekend I felt so blessed to have wonderful friends to help me move, they gave to me and now fortunately I was able to give to this woman. Maybe it isn't that simple.

What did I do to deserve this life full of some magic and perfection? Why do I have all my needs met and she can hardly survive? Where do I even find answers to such questions? The mystery of life begins with these questions, and in some cases ends with them as well. Some spiritual traditions speak of karma from past lives forming our current experience. Some believe it's without a belief in God, or an illness of the mind. I don't think there's an answer. We hear of the experiments where people start off with the same large sum of money and end up with nothing again. I think it's an illness of the heart - of forgetting our worth. I want to believe despite circumstances everyone can heal and grow and become who they were meant to be.

Some people ask for help, and sometimes we ask them what we can give - the beautiful blend of give and take.

Last Straw

This weekend I went to a "soft" opening for a new carnival-themed restaurant. It took me for quite a ride! I had amazing FREE bechamel, walnut, apple sandwich and a salad. There were carnival games and kitschy decorations to admire while I chowed down. They have gluten-free and vegan (very non-carnival of them) menus as well for those of you who take "carnivore" out of "carnival." It says "Step Right Up" on the doorstep, as if it could get any cuter. Some of the specialties include: truffle popcorn, orange blossom cotton candy, and lavendar lemonade popsicles...yummy and without the sickness from riding the roller coaster (speaking from personal experience) or fear of plunging to one's death on poorly assembled contraptions.

Today I'm grateful for food, free food, and free.

Out with the old and in with the new!

Out with the old and in with the new! So far 2011 has been so much more than a new year. I have a new job, a new apartment, new semester, new improv performance, and even a new toothpaste. How much crazier can this year get? Incidentally the newness is already wearing off and I'm craving some familiarity...This year has already changed so much about my life, I'm excited to see what's to come! And maybe even a little bit of in with the old!

Today I'm grateful for new, old, and everything in between.