It was inevitable

I suppose you could say I have out grown Blogger. Believe me, I didn't think the day would come. But it has and I must bid farewell as I move my online presence to Wordpress that somehow feels more grown up (I am almost 30 you know). My new Interweb identity is now sheltered at http://www.beckyfarrar.com/. See you there!

Unplugged and Connected

It has been a year since that fateful moment when I walked into Comcast and exchanged my Interweb modem for more time offline. To this day it ranks as one of my best decisions EVER, and I do make a lot of great decisions if I do say so myself.  The Internet had come to represent an easy way for me to connect with people, and mostly a large time waster.

Some might say I’ve cheated now that I own an iPhone since I can access the Internet via my handheld device. Maybe I am, I feel just enough connected knowing I can access my email if I need to find something…for the most part it distracts me with Words With Friends on the bus. I’m also more aware of how connected I am without the Internet. I have a beautiful, brilliant community in Man Franpsycho and my connection with them supercedes any fast DSL.

What have I done with all the time I haven’t spent scouring Facebook or watching new youTube videos? Well, I have created a haven, and nothing short of a heaven in my studio. Without TV or Internet I have to face myself constantly. In those quiet moments getting ready for bed there really aren’t any distractions except my own moods or desires. I can hear myself think in my apartment. I read more, write more, and listen to music and really listen to it. My connection to myself has deepened within the silence of my space called home. I can be more present, feeling my body, noticing my  breath. I feel I have embodied connection instead of projecting that desire onto my  computer to uphold.

Yes, the Internet is useful and amazing, I’m not saying it isn’t valueable in many regards. When it comes to  finding ways to distract us or giving us poor posture slouching over the keyboard…it wins hands down. I realize pulling the plug isn’t for everyone, however, I do suggest everyone consider a little less time unplugged and connected.

Improv and Physics: Where Uncertainty Collides

I, like many people, have a deep seeded fear of the unknown. And being the sometimes overly self-reflective soul that I am, I felt the need to explore this scariness a bit further. Many theories exist about this natural fear of the unknown alive and well in many of us (wish I knew the proper cool Latin –phobia word to enter here). I find the psychologist theories the most useful here as they attribute the common discomfort to how our happiness as babies was determined by the predictability of our needs being met. As adults we equate the same predictability and security with happiness. Although I certainly (that is a certainty) get bored with predictability. Turns out what’s missing for me, and in a lot of cases, is actually the ability to cope with the inherent uncertainty of life - not make things more certain. Both improv comedy and quantum physics share the necessity of uncertainty, as well as many other gems of wisdom, and offer deep insights into the implications of learning to love the unpredictable nature of life.

I took my first improv class (insert Endgames shout out here), about six months ago, it was on my Life List (#40 to be exact) and per usual wanted to do something that made me slightly uncomfortable. My desire also stemed from the fact I have so few outlets to express myself in a playful way. Improv seemed the perfect antidote to the sometimes seriousness of school and life in general. It is six months since my first class and I’m finally appreciating all the important lessons it had to teach me.
Another great teacher on uncertainty is to be found in the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (a fitting title) of quantum physics. It counteracts the usual Newtonian way of thinking where physical existence is predictable and certain and shows the impossibility of measuring the position and momentum of a particle simultaneously to get accurate or certain results. Simply stated, the more we know about position the less we can know about the momentum. The act of measuring one variable changes the other. This uncertainty of measurements feeds into the future development of the system and influences all other possible outcomes. This paradoxical way of assessment encourages the idea that anything could be possible in a system with unpredictable results.

Quantum theories point to the idea that knowledge is limited and therefore cannot provide security. Even scientists recognize the beauty of creativity and its position in the unknown. Fritjof Capra, physicist and systems theorist, said, “Uncertainty is at the heart of creativity.” Improv comedy is an art form and creative process defined by spontaneity and the unknown. The principles of what makes good improv describe Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. Because of its naturally self-organizing system, improv allows absolute freedom and possibility. An inclination towards order, coherence, and meaning could be likened to Newtonian physics, or a scripted play. However, anything is possible in improv and that fact makes it fascinating to watch and even more frightening to participate in.
Improv, like quantum mechanics, also relies heavily upon relationships to one another and the “entanglement” of ourselves with the other actors. Major parts of quantum physics show us how things are related (see EPR Paradox and Bell's Theorum for more on this...Wikipedia can say it better than I can in a blog post). These relations are governed by probabilities, not by predictabilities, just like improv. What makes a scene great is that the characters have a relationship we can relate to and connect with. We don't want to do predictive improv, even though some of us may want predictive science. We want to do clever, connected improv showing us the hilarity to be found in our own lives. As comedian/improviser Del Close says, “The truth is funny.”

The challenge for those of us living in uncertainty, which is all of us, is becoming comfortable in the unmanifest, or the superposition (the place where an atom is both in and out of existence) without needing to collapse the wave function. In improv terms, to live in the space of a scene where we have no idea what will happen and stay there confidently. The longer we can hold, or are comfortable in this state then the scene/life can truly unfold before us without our attachments tainting it. We as improvisers seek to balance spontaneity with scientific method, neither one giving us all the answers or showing us how to cope with the uncertainty they both thrive upon. This time in the uncertainty requires certain characteristics of mastery, one of them being trust.

Above all improv taught me the necessity of trusting in the face of uncertainty, because whatever needed to happen, would happen. I remember being at open “workouts” with a group of mostly strangers, and men to make matters worse (I much prefer the company of woman, for reasons I won’t name here), and feeling incredibly insecure. It was awful, I knew I needed to be there, but I wasn’t sure how to deal with the pit in my stomach that showed up each and every time I had to enter a scene. I didn’t trust myself enough to just jump in. At the time I didn’t realize creativity requires self-trust, and also inspires it.

We have to participate in our lives believing and trusting there is some sort of higher purpose to the uncertainty we exist in. In improv we have no choice but to love our mistakes and trust ourselves, the other players, and the overall process. Our ability to cope with not knowing what will happen next leaves us no other option. Trust, we must. For to trust ourselves and the universe in its process requires us to be the natural improvisers, scientists, and philosophers we are.

Calamity Kate

Sometimes funny things happen and they have to be shared...this is where my blog comes in. Yesterday I felt like a Calamity Kate. Picture this, an ordinary day I wake up early to meet someone to pick up a book for a paper I'm working on. I'm riding the crowded bus and dreading more people getting on. I glance outside and notice a loud, most likely homeless woman waiting to get on the bus and sneak in the back door. I think to myself that I kind of hope she can't get on because I am not in the mood (it's too early) for loudness. She gets on and a few stops later I'm getting off the bus, getting by her and she elbows me right in the face. Accidently mind you, however I take this opportunity to thank me for reminding me not to judge others. She was apologetic and I felt guilty. Moving on.

I meet my friend at the bakery, realize I forgot to drop off my rent on the way, walk up the hill to his house, several blocks out of my way and a car backfires right in front of me. Not so bad right? Then I'm walking back down the hill and a car stops for me to cross. He gets rearended and then the other car takes off...a hit and run! Several blocks later the two cars and talking and I feel silly and slink by without saying anything.

What did I learn today? Don't judge and know how powerful I am. End of my silly story...back to working on my paper.

Today I'm grateful for protein smoothies, text messages, and emails from my parents when they are on vacation.

Jump around

Last week I went to House of Air with some of my favorite people, it certainly put my tiny rebounder to shame. It was a blast bouncing around and I couldn't help but feel like a 10-year old again, not to mention the great cardio workout also involved. While the boys did flips and were basically out of control I became aware of my fear of being out of control. I did a few wall bounces, but for the most part stuck to classic jumps such as the split, side winder (don't know what that is, but I made it up), and imitated kung fu kicks. There was even a dodgeball colliseum, where I remembered how much I don't like boys over the age of 6 to about 30. Number 17 off my "30 before 30" list, done and done!

Today I'm grateful for House of Air, jumping shoes, and Crissy Field.

Cakes Popping Up

There aren't many things I have a vast amount of knowledge on. There also aren't a whole lot of trends I follow intensely. My status as a dessert connoisseur defies both of these. I cant' help but notice the popping up of cake pops everywhere!? Starbucks has them, my parents got one for me for my birthday, and they were even at a comedy show I attended a few weeks ago.

While I appreciate the need for an ever change universe, sometimes I would appreciate if at least something would stay the same. My loyalty still feels to my beloved cupcake. Macaron, whoopie pies, or even cake pops can change my mind. Sure, they have some similarities, but it's the pops lack of frosting that gets me. And if it insists on being called a pop, why can't I lick it?

Today I'm grateful for sunsets, sleeping late, and Nicki Minaj.

30 Before 30

Today is my 29th solar return (birthday in hippie speak). I am suprisingly excited to get closer to 30, like a fine wine I am definitely getting better with age. However, there are several things I want to do before I turn over the next decade. The list, in no particular order will most likely change, as all things do - here's the basic list:

1. Get a cat – friendly, quiet, independent, cuddly

2. Write a book
3. Go hang gliding
4. Contribute $30 per week to FFA
5. Attend Ecstatic dance
6. Go to Angel Island
7. Visit De Young
8. Visit Exploratorium
9. Go to House of Air
10. Lake Merritt by Gondola
11. Eat at Burma Superstar
12. Plan to go to India
13. Beat Museum
14. Eat at Dottie’s
15. Caramel chicken at Slanted Door
16. Visit top POPOs
17. Chow down at Gary Danko
18. Create podcast mixes
19. See “The Room” at Red Vic
20. Sing outloud on a bus
21. Pay off credit card
22. Go to Dildo Wars!
23. Take a sail on Bay at sunset
24. Horseback riding on the beach
25. Drive a car more than 100 mph
26. Emergency fund amount for at least two months.
27. Create music mixes online
28. Take a German class
29. Dip at Fondue Cowboy
30. TCHO Chocolate tour

Homemade Romantic Comedy

So, I'm at home where the general consensus is that I'm slightly crazy and down right bizarre. In honor of this opinion I created a video to honor my fellow crazies in the Philosophy, Cosmology, and Consciousness (PCC) program at the California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS). Self-depricating humor is a favorite of mine, and so are awkward silences and gestures. That being said, enjoy!

Today I'm grateful for Xtranormal, mani and pedis with Mom, and coca tea.

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/12029791/pcc-love-story

Current currency

The only other time I've been exposed to alternate currency has been at Burning Man where I made out with someone in exchange for getting a soul mate. Sound strange? It was, although the Bay Area Community Exchange seems to offer more normal modes of payment. I'm certainly no economist, from what I do know local communities are far more wealthy than the national debt can account for. What a novel idea to reward someone who volunteers their time with recieving an hour of service.

Here's brief info:

Bay Area Community Exchange (BACE) is a collaborative network that supports the development of alternative means of exchange in the San Francisco Bay Area. We provide research and development support, incubation of alternative exchange projects, and education to the Bay Area community about economic issues. Through our work with currency projects, we will create an economy that is more sustainable, just, and embedded in healthy community connections.




http://sfbace.org/

"Coming" clean

Yes, the title is meant in every way to be a sexual innuendo. This is also where I insert this blog post was spurred on by a Glee episode "Sexy" that aired last week and I watched on iTunes. I suppose I'm in the midst of a full "blown" (sorry, I can't stop when I start) exploration of sexuality. Not the type where I have sex with a lot of people or engage in strange sexual acts. This exploration is more about the  nature of our minds within our sexuality. As modern humans we seem to have a stunted sexuality based in strange taboos and a fear of desire. I did a presentation for a class last week discussing how we have left any identity of ourselves as sexual beings in the dust. And yet, on a level that's a huge part of who we are. On one hand I'm the loving, powerful woman and on the other a sexual being raging with hormones.

Yet I'm unsure how to embody my sexuality and sensuality in a powerful way. I've always been very sensual...I enjoy good food, bubble baths, and pretty much delighting in the senses in general. The challenge for me seems to be actually getting comfortable with myself as a sexual being, not pretending it doesn't exist, a part of myself needing cultivation as equally as my spirituality or vitality. The Meredith Brooks song "Bitch" line "I'm a sinner, I'm a saint...I'm your hell I'm your dream" always struck me as acknowledging the paradox that is the experienc of being human. I'm a girl next door and I'm also a whore. There I said it, I "came" clean.

Awesomely grateful for banana pancakes, late night phone calls, and $1 movie rentals.  

AWESOME

Love this new book by Neil Pasriche, "The Book of Awesome." It's like a gratitude list times 1000 because it has great entries to really revel in the awesomeness of  well, life. What an awesome idea…an entire book of things that are awesome. Simple entries explaining the awesomeness of everyday life.With each entry you remember how awesome the smell of rain on a hot sidewalk really is, or when you get the cereal to milk ratio just right. The author is described as a “regular guy” who works in an office an eats frozen burritos. I would argue it takes much more than a “regular” person, to see so much awesome in everyday life, let alone write an entire book about it. From here on out, instead of gratitude consider it an awesome list. An entire book of awesome…AWESOME!!


Awesome - the sound of the ocean, Aleve when you have a really bad headache, and hot tea on a cold night.

Winning!

In the words of Charlie Sheen, and many others before him...winning! This week has been full of winning for me. First, I won cupcakes from my favorite cupcake bakery – Cups and Cakes Bakery. I put my business card in and a week later...voila! Get to go get six of my favorite flavors. What a treat! Win!
Now for the second one, I am kind of really into decorating my apartment and entered a design contest with Dezign with a Z and won second place! Dezign with a Z apparently this post is mostly advertising and bragging, apologies) is a local SF company who specializes in wall decal. When I say "kind of really" what I mean is obsessive. For some reason my nesting insticts are of Superwoman caliber.

Thirdly, and this one may seem minor to some...I won $10 gambling in Vegas! That's right, ten whole dollars. I put in $1 and got back $10. It's celebrating the small wins that really makes the difference.

And finally, I won tickets to a Janet Jackson Flash Mob event from http://www.sf.funcheap.com/!?

Today I'm grateful for winning, luck, and abundance.

Changing the world through giving gifts

I'm a sucker for memoirs about experiments, I hope to write my own someday. Possibly about my experiment in reading them and then doing strange things as a result. Although this one I just finished by Cami Walker, "29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life," wasn't strange like the others. It was more of a spiritual memoir, don't get me started on how much I love those, which I really appreciated. Walker is battling MS and writes of her journey of dealing with the disease and healing through giving. The results weren't suprising, she felt better and experienced more love and mindfulness. Even though it wasn't unpredictable, read the book and I will highlight a few of my favorite lessons of hers:

• "When I give from a place of self-centeredness as opposed to self-love, I become isolated and lonely and I forget I am part of a greater whole. The last thing I want to do is give."
• "I rarely move back into a place of scarcity when I remember to give mindfully each day."
• "Selflessness does not mean giving of myself to the extent that I am left depleted."

 Since finishing the book I've found a been more likely to give openly...sorting bags of compost and recyclables after an event, helping a lost dog find its way home, and in general offering my help where I can. Sometimes I don't believe love is what changes the world, instead just the actions it inspires.

Today I'm grateful for Cami Walker, 29 Gifts, and giving.

iLove

It's official, I'm in iLove. I have had my iPhone 4 for approximately one week, 1 day and 5 hours and I can't get enough of it. It does everything - unlock a zip car, scan an item, point out Saturn, and even serves as a compact to see if I have food stuck in my teeth. I thought the picture above highlighted well its sleek form and gentle curves. While I'm enjoying the honeymoon phase I'm also feeling a tad bit guilty about contributing to the consumerist culture that perpetuates using natural resources and creating more waste. So in order to feel less guilty (damn environmental ethics studies) I want to highlight the iPhone 4's shortcoming.

What it can't do is hug a tree, wash my dishes, or send love to all the earthquake victims in Japan. While I can donate money to them via texting on my phone or probably get an app to send them prayers, wouldn't be the same. Yup, it appears the good stuff (although a paper writing app would help) is still up to me, like loving.

Today I'm grateful for apps, iPhones, and love.

Spirited

So I read this book by fellow Menverite Rebecca Rosen and loved it. I haven't really been into speaking to spirits or spirit guides, but this book made me take notice. Sometimes in life we feel lonely or things seem hopeless, we want answers from somewhere outside of us and not necessarily the people around us.;) This book reminded me to connect with something greater than myself to question my notions of other beings in an astral plane and request they help me. It even offers meditations and other useful "connection" tools. Who knows...I might even experience a "Ghost" scene for myself.

Today I'm grateful for books, birthdays, and brunch.

Mancations in Man Francisco

For those who doubt my "manifying" of cities and words...even writers for CNN do it. Fun article from my mom about SF being "healthy and harmless"...he obviously didn't visit the Tenderloin.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TRAVEL/02/16/newnam.san.francisco/index.html?hpt=C1

Today I'm grateful for reservations, leftovers, and unpacking.

I forgot...

I had a blog. This is the longest I have gone without writing and I feel kinda guilty. Even though I don't have a lot of followers (thanks Mom and sometimes Hayley), it feels strange not to be expressing myself via Interweb. I moved out of my tiny studio in Hayes Valley on the edge of Civic Center into a beautiful, sunny place in the Panhandle near Golden Gate Park. I have been nesting like mad and hardly wanting to leave my new place. So I'm here simply to say with two jobs, full-time grad student status, and having a life my blog is suffering...and I know this.

Today I'm grateful for coffee shops, Goodwill, and cell phones.

Last Straw

This weekend I went to a "soft" opening for a new carnival-themed restaurant. It took me for quite a ride! I had amazing FREE bechamel, walnut, apple sandwich and a salad. There were carnival games and kitschy decorations to admire while I chowed down. They have gluten-free and vegan (very non-carnival of them) menus as well for those of you who take "carnivore" out of "carnival." It says "Step Right Up" on the doorstep, as if it could get any cuter. Some of the specialties include: truffle popcorn, orange blossom cotton candy, and lavendar lemonade popsicles...yummy and without the sickness from riding the roller coaster (speaking from personal experience) or fear of plunging to one's death on poorly assembled contraptions.

Today I'm grateful for food, free food, and free.

Out with the old and in with the new!

Out with the old and in with the new! So far 2011 has been so much more than a new year. I have a new job, a new apartment, new semester, new improv performance, and even a new toothpaste. How much crazier can this year get? Incidentally the newness is already wearing off and I'm craving some familiarity...This year has already changed so much about my life, I'm excited to see what's to come! And maybe even a little bit of in with the old!

Today I'm grateful for new, old, and everything in between.

On the Tim Ferriss wheel

A few nights ago I saw Tim Ferriss at the Commonwealth Club. I've had a slight crush on him for several years since reading "Four-Hour Work Week." His ideas speak clearly to yearning people have for more time to spend on things they care about and less time at work. His newest book, "The 4-Hour Body," (I'm ignoring Chicago Style that dictates "4" be "Four") has again renewed my adoration.

The book even has an entire section on the female orgasm, granted it's about a technique from OneTaste used as a meditation, I applaud his efforts for focusing on female pleasure as a part of health. While I don't plan on sleeping four hours a night (as a section of his book discusses), I am excited to sit down and read more about his suggestions/findings. As someone who enjoys trying new things, I appreciate Tim (first name basis now that I've asked him a question in front of hundreds of people) and all he does to provide people the life they desire, while sometimes doing things that seem ridiculous.

During the interview, he struck me as kind-hearted and even quoted Thoreau (hello, fellow philosopher). I'm enjoying being the Tim Ferriss wheel and am excited to see what else he decides to do. If it includes a four-hour relationship, that might be something I could actually handle!?

Today I'm grateful for four hours, Tim Ferriss, and living in SF.