"Precious" moments

Yesterday I saw the movie "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire," and I expected to be disturbed and touched - not disturbed, sobbing, and touched. One of the wonderful things about my job working for the festival is getting to see films that will play during the festival. I was really excited to see "Precious," it has been the first film to win audience awards at Sundance and Toronto Film Festivals. Most importantly it's playing at this year's Starz Denver Film Festival as the Opening Night film...and what an eye "opener" it is!

This film reminded me of the importance of not judging until you've walked a mile (or at least 17 in Precious' case) in someone else's shoes. It really pushed my comfort level with how incredibly awful and seemly hopeless a situation can be - in those moments someone's own inner truth is far more "precious" than money, health, or education.

Today I'm grateful for snow, baked apples, and hide and seek with Taz.

One for one

Last week I heard Blake Mycoskie (aka my new crush) from Toms Shoes speak at my favorite spiritual hangout, Mile Hi Church. Ever since my rejection with the UN public relations job (yes, the one I don't want to talk about - ever again), I've wrestled with my entrepreneurial spirit. If the UN won't take me I may as well hire myself!?

I could be considered somewhat of a Toms Shoes fanatic, if being a fanatic means I own the documentary, ask for a pair of shoes for every major holiday, and have applied to go a shoe drop 57 times. Besides having such an interesting founder, the company reminds me time and time again that business can make a difference and be fiscally beneficial (aka "conscious capitalism"). I've looked a few ideas from working with travel companies to lead volunteer or meditation trips or getting paid to carry my trash this time...Toms Shoes takes the (cup)cake on ideas as far as I'm concerned.

A note on Blake, even after just arriving back in the U.S. from a shoe drop in Ethiopia he was still able to talk Toms. The only thing I can talk about that passionately after traveling that far is putting on my sweatpants. That's a true sign of dedication - on both our parts. He looks better than I do after a day of working late and yoga teacher training!? Thank you Blake for ensuring a better tomorrow; now if only I could find a way to get in on your shoe drops!

Today I'm grateful for my gold pair of Toms, my white pair of Toms, and last but not least my black pair of Toms.

Life-long romance

I did something so incredibly cheesy I'm hesitant to even share anywhere on the Interweb that someone I know (or potentially know) could see. That's kind of how I know I need to just need to dish. I committed to myself today - with a ring, flowers, and bought myself a cake. Going into the details of where and what was said shall remain private, as any truly romantic ceremony is. Once on Facebook I put myself in a relationship with myself for about two weeks (apparently my two week commitment streak lasts as long to myself as to men, go figure). I haven't been taking very good care of myself proof as of late by eating not so nutritious foods, catching H1N1, not making time for yoga, etc. This renewing commitment to myself reminds me of what comes first, not in selfish way instead a reminder of loving me means loving others. My capacity to love others is only proportionate to my capacity to love me. Our society puts so much emphasis on signficant relationships as being romantic and I whole heartedly disagree.
I'm beginning to sound more and more like a single twentysomething (later twenty something I might add) so it only feels appropriate to interject my favorite Sex and the City Carrie Bradshaw quote, "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

The sudden desire to commit came shortly after my sister's wedding - I had this epiphany that I don't really want to get married. (I want to be sure to preface this that everyone has different wants and needs and this is just my take on marriage.) It's beginning to feel more romantic to me not to get married and instead create a partnership without paper. This feels more freeing...if the point of a relationship is to grow and learn I want the freedom to know when that phase has ended not to keep myself in the situation because of a legally binding contract. I want someone to stay with me without pressure because our lives together make more sense to serving the world and our individual life purposes. If we have kids together and decide we do want different legal rights or tax benefits a trip to the courthouse over our lunch break would suffice.
As Ms. Bradshaw finishes the last season of Sex and the City with a firm stance that our life-long romance begins with us. For the record a commitment ceremony with rings, flowers, and cake is always an option...with or without a mate. The relationship with ourselves isn't optional.


Today I'm grateful for Watercourse foods, cute boys who wave at me from their bikes, and gift cards.

"Samadhic" experiences at Samadhi?

In yogic traditions samadhi (I invented an adjective from it above) is experiencing the oneness of life, enlightenment, or bliss. It feels as if I chase this feeling nonstop and have created an attachment to the next time I can get "high." I don't have samadhic experiences that often, would love to have them everyday and unlike other yogis I haven't had them during meditation or even yoga (why do you think I was so drawn to do my Yoga Teacher Training at Samadhi Yoga Center?). Mine occur when I'm extremely present with what I'm doing and involved in something else usually nonspiritual in nature (although I'm beginning to realize everything is spiritual in nature). How's that for a non-enlightenment plug?

Here are the moments I have experienced samadhi and remembered it:
-in a loud discotheque in Cannes after seeing Bono
-walking in Paris on a quiet street listening to a cello
-running and not being able to feel my body
-laying on a beach topless in Marbella, Spain
-walking to Lotus Shrine at Yogaville
-seeing a perfect Monarch butterfly
-after a performance when a whole crowd of people are giving a standing ovation
-certain songs such as classical music or Beatles
-when I'm doing Masala Bhangra dancing

-waking up next to someone I adore

In Hinduism the enlightenment or samadhi occurs when Kundalini energy rises and has made its way up from the base of our spine chakra into the top of our crown chakra. The experiences noted above feel as if there's a rush of energy shooting through my body - especially through my arms and legs. It's said when the Kundalini energy rises to the top permanent enlightenment occurs (symbolized by the lotus flower) - usually over a long period of time.
Today I'm grateful for samadhi, searching for samadhi, and experiencing samadhi.

I see (saw) dead people

No, I'm not just quoting movies despite my current film obsession preparing for the Denver Film Festival. My sudden interest in the dead has a lot to do with my last night when I went to a cadaver lab with my yoga teacher training class. What do dead bodies have to do with yoga you ask? Everything and nothing. For starters, "hatha" yoga actually means yoga of immortality or to reverse the aging process. For enders (why doesn't anyone ever say that), I'm not a doctor nor an anatomy expert.

It was quite a memorable experience. I had the pleasure of being acquainted (very acquainted) with three cadavers named Francis, Henry, and George. One provided lovely bone structure, one muscle system perfection, and one lovely reproductive and digestive tract. I held a ball, (single one, not both), a bladder, and even a uterus. One of the students dropped a kidney during part of the discussion and it will forever go down as a great yogic/cadaver moment. (At least I didn't drop the ball...;)) So yes, I saw dead people and loved it.

Today I'm grateful for free library classes, walks in the sun, and quick email response.

Leg up (or both) with leggings

With winter approaching and me getting tired of jeans I quickly switch to leggings - the sweatpant/skinny jean alternative. I like to think it's also workplace attire appropriate; however, I doubt pairing my bright blue leggings with a baggy sweatshirt works and I don't care.

Talking about clothing on here isn't usually my style. I prefer to discuss much more riveting issues such as an obscure self-help books and cupcakes. Leggings save my life on many occasions and I don't want to deny them space. They can be dressy, casual, or inbetween and go with ballet flats, tennis shoes, Toms, and even my Emus (fake Uggs). Pairing them with stilettos feels a tad too Sandra Dee and I attempt to avoid similarities as much as I can. That and since I got rid of my car my high heels don't get much wear time. Whatever you wear them with or don't, it's hard to deny they can get you a "leg up "in fashion these days - possibly even two!

Today I'm grateful for TV Internet, EmergenC, and studying.

Alter "ego" Rebecca

We all have one, not just we Gemini cusp people, but not all of us name it. I've decided mine is certainly Rebecca. She's the one who flips her hair and sometimes ignores people when she doesn't feel friendly. She secretly whispers in her head "I already knew that," when people tell her things she thinks she should already know. She wants attention and seems to be a tad dramatic. Case in point, she's bratty and snobby - the sorority girl without a lot of free-lovin' hippie involved. She's also a part of me and therefore I can't help but love and adore her.

A few weeks ago my friend Brea and I decided to name our alter "egos," and it has certainly helped me be more conscious about the part of my personality vying for attention. Becky hasn't quite known what to say about all of this, so she doesn't say anything and instead just listens patiently to Rebecca - she's the alter after all.

Today I'm grateful for Free Mall Ride, movie screeners, and snow.

Letting go, surrender into October

October represents a time of letting go, surrendering, and in some ways grief. Fewer hours of daylight, trees releasing leaves, etc. My sister's wedding this weekend felt as a nod to letting go of our childhoods. Here's a poem below by one of my favorite writers, Winnie Shows, I feel it really signifies the idea of letting go:

Departure

This is important

I have to help you go.

Stoic in rush hour traffic

And tired of watching you pack,

I pretend to be a good sport and

Pick up your tickets.

Outside the FedEx building I crumbled

as grief thundered through.

Your tickets in one hand,

passport in the other.

I thought of burning both.

Then, like a mourning mother

shrouding her dead child,

I knew: Accepting is not enough.

I have to help you go.

Must send you on your journey,

Or I can't resume mine.

In June, I released and surrendered a relationship to something bigger. This poem really hit home, I helped the departure occur, instead of resisting it. The same way my father paid for my sister's wedding to "give her away." On the other side of grief and letting go is something beautiful...a new beginning. This month I release knowing the future and letting October work its magic.

Today I'm grateful for my new red dress, release, and changing leaves.