You live, you learn...

I've been angry the past several months at a friend of mine, today I finally realized why. She was/is doing the same things I've done in the past that caused me more heartache than any human being should be allowed in a lifetime. When we love someone we want to spare them pain, I didn't want her to repeat the patterns/mistakes I've made. That's what is so wonderful and yucky about life, we have to learn things for ourselves. No matter how much I want to warn her, or try to convince her about what to do - I can't. It's her life, to make decisions, to make mistakes, or to do what she feels in her heart. No one could have changed my decisions or convinced me, why do I think what I have to say makes any difference? All I can do is do what all of my wonderful friends did, allow me to make my own decisions and be there in case my heart hurts later...

I've always heard the things you dislike in others are the things you dislike about yourself. I never believed it fully until today. I was angry at her and really only angry at myself. Of course she knows this, took me longer. Apparently no matter how much I think I've moved on from my past, I'm still embaressed by some of my past choices. In the end, that's what's so great - they're mine. ;) In the words of Alanis (Morisette in case you aren't on a first name basis, as in my case)...you live, you learn.

Today I'm grateful for locksmiths, shopping malls, and BFFs.

Living v. being alive

On the eve of my 26th birthday (okay, this is completely inaccurate, it's not until mid-May), I struggle once again (as I do every birthday eve) wondering if my life is really everything it ought to be. I have a great job, amazing friends, supportive family, active dating life, great legs, large amounts of expensive clothing, and three trashy romance novels on my nightstand. What more could a gal ask for?

Unfortunately, I have this expectation that being in my mid-twenties is supposed to look a certain way (namely like Sex and the City without babies or breast cancer). On a day-to-day basis I have an incredibly full life, but when I take steps back it appears so mundane. I'm really busy, but not with things that would appear glamorous or adventurous. Lately I've become afraid of staying in the same place too long and missing out on really living. My way to combat this is to plan another trip, or figure out a strange new way to spend my Friday night. Even after these events I still feel a sense of lack. I'm starting to realize my dissatisfaction arises from a lack of purpose.

I know who I want to be (love, joy, and vitality), but I'm not sure what steps to take to be that. A lot of times I worry I don't carry my weight in the world and that's what I'm afraid to face. For the most part my life is just about me. My plans every day, getting my workout in, eating the right foods, returning phone calls, getting through my to-do list, etc. Sure I make an effort to reach out to others and give my time and resources (homeless Bob downtown loves it on the days I feel guilty, I buy him a huge lunch) to charities in need, but I don't fully invest myself. I'm not sure how to let the whole world know I care and I don't know what to do in my daily life to make it obvious. What does giving back look like? I keep thinking I have to spend two years in the Peace Corps or adopt children from around the world. I want answers on what I can do this instant and in my daily life that will make a profound impact for everyone.

On the other hand, maybe what my life is really missing is another trashy romance novel and starting my own orphage...

Today I'm grateful for Manitou Springs, running in Ute Valley Park, and my heated blanket.

Label-whore hippie aka fashionable flowerchild tendencies

I've recently become aware of the fact that I have many hippie tendencies. Some use the term "lipstick hippie," to describe a modern-day, fashionable flower child. The funny thing is I don't wear lipstick so this term is difficult for me to own up to, so I have created my own term to relate to: "fashionable flowerchild" or "label-whore hippie" would work as well. The only incredibly stereotypical girlie thing I came up with is that I shop, hence I must have fashionable flowerchild tendencies.

Yes, my parents have often discussed their hippie tendencies during the 1970s, but I haven't really thought about how it has impacted my values. Apparently the proof is there and it's about time I just own up to it, my hippieness has become glaringly obvious the past several months...
Hippie tendency #1: Large quantity of my purchases involve t-shirts with saying such as "Green is sexy" and "Arms are for hugging."
Hippie tendency #2: I don't shower on Sundays to save water and to be honest, I just get plain sick of them.
Hippie tendency #3: My compost pile and recycling efforts might possible by my greatest pride and joy, besides my great mpg in my Maxima.
Hippie tendency #4: I am more excited for Earth Day than my birthday! (okay, that one may be an exaggeration, I think Earth Day could quite possibly be considered a gift to me from the government.)
Hippie tendency #5: I own five pairs of Birkenstocks, enough said.
Hippie tendency #6: I was vegetarian for three weeks, and then I fainted, so now I eat only fish and poultry (organic of course).
Hippie tendency #7: I have reusable canvas bags to three of the major grocery store chains.
Hippie tendency #8: I believe love IS the answer (thank you Blessid Union of Soul for bringing this phrase back into my life) to everything, including war.
Hippie tendency #9: I can honestly say I have hugged a tree, and it's my favorite tree (everyone should have one) and I visit it often. And no, I won't tell you where it is, and you can't watch. ;)
Hippie tendency #10: Eastern philosophy to a large extent guides my daily choices and spiritual practices. (Um, can we say philosophy minor in college for a semester before changing it for the 32nd time?)

Today I am grateful for loving friends, cable TV, and dark chocolate Toblerones.

My dogma

Anyone who knows much about me, knows I adore my dog Taz. Not only is he one of the most kind souls to grace the planet, but he's great at Hide and Seek! (Seriously though, he's really good.) I'm a reporter for SpringsTV (government access station) and had the opportunity to do a story about dog feces in parks (yes, you read it correctly, it means the same thing as excrement). Apparently it has become a rather large issue, so Taz and I did a story to address it and encourage anyone who utilizes the wonderful parks in Colorado Springs to clean up after his/her pet.

In his first cameo he is posing majestically for the camera and the second strong arming me on a walk. Enjoy!

http://www.springsgov.com/Page.asp?NavID=6445 (click on "Click here to watch" and then it is about 10 minutes and 13 seconds in.)

Today I'm thankful for: Big League Chew, slumber parties, and trashy magazines that occupy me in the grocery line.

Hi! I'm love, joy and vitality. Who are you?

Why love, joy, and vitality you ask? It's not cute, funny, or clever like many other blog names. How can someone consider themselves a bunch of words? Herein lies the true dilemna of human identity. Since I was little, I've always felt there were two sides of me - the me who was tangible and personality-based, and the me who was very different (and made sense) from all that and I couldn't really describe. Many Eastern religions talk about this separation of being human as our true nature and our ego - both a part of us, but one more in touch with who we really are. This blog represents who I really am - love, joy, and vitality.

So many times when people ask who we are we use a series of ways to describe ourselves that may go something like this: I am (insert name here), a daughter, a friend, (insert horoscope sign), a Democrat, a lover, a fighter...you get the picture. Some folks identify who they are with their looks, money, or job. I realize now that none of the above mentioned things are actually me.

If I'm anything at all, I'm a stand for being something for this world, to give something to everyone. I stand for love, joy, and vitality as a way of being and as who I am, here's why:

*Love because I believe it is the answer to everything.

*Joy because when I'm truly present in the moment, this is all I feel.

*Vitality because I take great pleasure in taking care of my body, being strong, most importantly having fun.


Whenever I begin to question who I am, or what I'm doing with my life...these words set me straight and remind me of my true nature. Someday these words will be all I use to identify myself.
Today I'm grateful for: my adorable dog, girls nights downtown, and having brunch with my parents.

"B" is for blogging, and Becky!

Wow, I'm excited to have a blog, but fully acknowledge it is quite possibly one of the egotistical things I have ever done (besides owning more clothing and underwear than anyone I know). In college I had some lame column (and yes, I am an SJP wannabe at heart) about my adventures of pretty much making an idiot of myself...this just seemed right up my alley. Plus, my BFF (best friend forever) has a new BF (boyfriend), so this BF (Becky Farrar) needs to find more ways to occupy her time besides bother her! I don't really believe people will read my blog religiously or have it inspire them to become a dorky blonde girl (Lord knows we don't need any more of them), but I do want it to be a clearing for growth. My hope is to share things people can relate to and know they're not alone in what they feel. More importantly I want this to be a blog about reminding me of who I am - love, joy and vitality.

I look forward to sharing myself on this rollercoaster/journey/crazy thing called life with all of you. I plan to update it frequently - particularly at 4:57 p.m. on Fridays where there isn't anything else I can possibly accomplish worthwhile at work...

I will end every post with three things I'm grateful for. Why you ask (or don't because you don't really care)? Because every night before I go to bed I write them down in a book on my nightstand and enjoy realizing how much I have.

Today I'm grateful for: cinnamon tea, pedicures, and the cute guy at Rico's.